I’m leaving college. Hopefully tomorrow.
I’m going in to talk to my tutor about it but I know I can’t take it any more. Yes, okay, there are two months left but when you compare that to how long I’ve been there, the fact I’ve wanted to leave forever and also my mental health is not in an okay place at the moment (due to many possible reasons and college is not helping at all), two months seems like a life time away and I can’t deal with panic attacks and crying all the time - cos that’s all my life has been recently.
It’s gotten to that stage where my parents have started to get worried and my mum called me an emotional wreck today. We’re gonna go to the doctors if nothing gets better after leaving college.
For me, continuing this course past Christmas has been a big mistake and I can honestly say it has killed my love for art, but I’m trying to look at the positives and what I got out of it. For example, I met some super lovely people which I hope to stay in contact with after I go, it steered me in the right direction to go and study philosophy and politics next year, it taught me I can be much more creative than I thought and also I probably wouldn’t have met my bf if I hadn’t gone. So there are happy notes, I’m just struggling to find them.
I hope my friends who read this understand and are supportive (cos you’re all lovely) but I know some people who I’ve spoken to don’t understand and have been really unsupportive throughout it which has been hard as it makes me question them as a friend in general.
I’m excited to leave and start something new. I’m applying for jobs and if that doesn’t work out I’m going to volunteer because I’m not capable of sitting around all day.
Sorry for the super long text post but I needed to have a little rant to get things off my chest.
Listening to Ed Sheeran and missing the bf. I’m having such a bad time and I need to e-mail college today basically saying that I’m leaving - it doesn’t help that some ‘friends’ are being really unsupportive. On the other hand, I’ve got a job interview this afternoon so that should be good <3